For the single guys who might read this: run. I'm doing no favors for men tonight. For any married men out there, be prepared to nod your head ... a lot.
I'm 22, newly married, and watching Project Runway like it's going out of style. I actually get excited to see what clothing the disproportionately homosexual men on the show will dream up, and I am a secret fan of Tim Burton.
Wait, what? Masculinity? I have no idea what you're talking about.
When I'm not watching Project Runway, I'm tuning in to The Real Housewives of Orange County. Might as well put a dress on me now and call it good.
But seriously, I have no idea where it changed from me physically forcing myself to watch these shows in order to accomodate my wife's interests to me asking, in a very practiced nonchalant voice, "So, hunny, you wanna ... see what's on Bravo tonight?"
I used to watch football. Hell, I used to say "cool." No more. Now everything's reality TV shows, and I'm learning that the word "cute" can literally describe anything. When does it end?
When I hang out with my guy friends, I try not to notice the rustic theme (good choice!) their wife decided for the living room, or how well the blue accent wall goes with their curtains. I might begin rehearsing manly grunts and researching derogatory jokes to increase my manliness before too long. At the rate things are going, I wouldn't doubt it.
People, you're talking to a person who used to eat cereal out of a coffee can. I now make conscious choices on what dishware ("dishware" wasn't in my vocabulary a year ago) to use for when guests come over. Is becoming married a euphemism for becoming a transexual? It sure feels like it.
The sad thing is, I know I'm not the only one (you can deny it all you want guys, but I bet you'll be admiring your 40-piece flatware set by tomorrow). I recently had a conversation with one of my best married guy friends (I feel like I have to specify marital status now, it's like we're different creatures) the other day, and he stopped himself short on commenting on our new throw pillows for the couch. We looked at eachother, gave a mutual acknolwedging nod, and I proceded to inform him that we got them on sale. Got those bad boys at 40% off.
The list could go on, but I'm through emasculating myself for one night. There's plenty of opportunity for me to do it in the future, that's for sure.
I realize that this will more than likely be extremely funny to the married audience out there, and akin to discovering the genome of the human body to the singles out there ...
... Initial disbelief, but you'll come around one day. Oh yeah, you'll come around ...
If you really want to punish the Fort Hood murderer
12 hours ago
31 comments:
Think of it as preparation for having kids... sounds to me like you are in training!
Oh.my.gosh.
This is one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time. A actually laughed out loud and I don't do that too often.
Great stuff!
One more thing ... would you mind if I linked to this post today? I'm conjuring up a good blog post about our writing similarities. Let me know if you object!
Liz -- Wow, you are probably right in so many ways. I guess it's best to know now rather than later. Thanks ... I think. :)
Lyndsay -- Well, I'm glad you laughed :) Writing that post was like dragging myself through the coals. But, the first step is denial. At least I'm out of that phase now, right?
As for the second comment, go ahead, link away! I can't wait to see your post on our writing similarities; there's definitely no denying it.
I stumbled upon your blog through the grapevine, so to speak, and this post made me laugh out loud.
I am not married, but not single, and I still found it to be funny.
Thanks for the laugh,
Bridget
OMG!
I got to you from I Used to Be Witty and am literally sitting at my desk LOLing...
My hubby of almost 12 years would agree with you 100%. As a matter of fact, I'm sending him your blog.
He was 20 when we got married (I was 19) and let me tell you...he notices throw pillows now too :)
Coming over based on Lyndsay's recommendation and she is right!! Good stuff!
My husband would agree with you -- he is so into Project Runway but he'd never admit it. He is such a poser walking around in his football jersey but he knows more about Kenley and Tim Gunn than he does about football.
And since you are slowly becoming a woman, you might want to check out this great blog by another guy who is becoming a woman (he even said so in a recent post): http://halftimelessons.blogspot.com/
I think you might enjoy it!
I'll be back to check out more of your stuff! : )
You and Lyndsay do have similar writing styles! Thanks for making me smile!
Happy blogging!
2 things that make me really happy in blogland:
1. Signing into and noticing I have a new follower (that isn't a friend or family member I have forced) and,
2. Reading that new person's blog and thoroughly enjoying it.
Thanks for the support on my new blog, and I'll return the blog love. Too few blogs are actually witty and fun!
I also followed Lyndsay over from her blog. Anyone Lyndsay enjoys seemed worth a look and she was right! I read back to the beginning and can't wait to keep reading your new posts.
Visiting via Lyndsay....you are hilarious!!!
:)
Too. Freaking. Fuuny!!!
Bridget Marie -- *I heeeeard it through the grapevine!* Oh, *ahem*, sorry. Thanks so much for the comment. I'm glad to know that I can still identify with the opposite species (singles). Maybe there is hope :)
DESJ and Company -- Man, if I could make everyone LOL, that would be just fine with me.
P.S. Tell your husband we have a great store for throw pillows over here; I'm sure he'd enjoy it.
Jenners -- Oh man, you had me rolling with your comment. I love when our wives call us out for being "posers." Oh, so true ... And thanks for the blog recommendation. I'll be sure to check it out.
Jodi -- Aww, I'm glad I made you smile. And yeah, it's been a running joke between Lyndsay and me about how similar our writing styles are. It's really crazy to read your writing style from someone you've never met before.
E. Sloane Cannon -- Gotta love the blog love. Glad I got a new blogger friend to share thoughts with!
Call Me Cate -- "Anyone Lyndsay enjoys seemed worth a look." Couldn't agree more. Glad I'll be seeing you around more!
The Rambler -- Niiice, visiting via Lyndsay seems pretty cool. I hope that I can become a means of transportation in the future too. Seems fun. (Man I'm nerdy ...)
angi_b72 -- "Too. Freaking. Fuuny!!!"
:) :) :) 'Nuff said.
Thanks for the comments everyone!
Great post. linked to you from "I used to be witty" (I think). It is true that marrieage changes you in ways you could not have imagined. I have to say though, that it totally depends on whom you marry. Since I am not into that stuff (design, reality tv, plates, throw pillows) my husband doesn't have to care. No worries though, he suffers in other ways, I make sure!
Lyndsay was right. You're good.
Annje -- No throw pillows huh? Well good for him; it's definitely easy to become addicted.
"No worries though, he suffers in other ways, I make sure!" Lol.
The Tildy Spot -- I try, I try. :)
This was the funniest post I have read today!
Lyndsay "I Used to be Witty" sent me. I'm glad she did. I will enjoy this blog immensely
Yet another one from IUTBW. You're blog is great! Keep 'em commin'!
I'm 3 1/2 months married... I think I've changed more than he has simply because he introduced me to broadband (I now live on the internet!) and F1. We were pretty similar to start with, though, and we don't have a TV so nothing like that to worry about :)
This is hysterical! I'm going to send this link to my fiance; I think he's headed down a similar road. And it's all good. ^_^
Oh great, newbie. Don't you know what you've done! Now they know, now they will no longer reciprocate by watching our show. Worse though, they will expand into other areas of femanine domain, we'll be watching What Not To Wear...and they'll expect us to comment. Thanks. Look what you've done.
From the mind of a male hairdresser....who really fights the battle of "is he or isn't he" on a daily basis...he is not, as if it really matters.
Enjoyed your humor, keep blogging, another blow to your "macho" status.
LMAO....a bit like my own humor...come see us @ psychohairapy
I there! We found your blog through Lyndsay. (Randy and I did... he's the comment before mine) Its great. And the one about the little things? I agree totally. They make all the difference. If you (both) can remember to do those small kindnesses for one another, you will no doubt have a successful marriage. From experience, I can tell you that the memories of the little things can help soften the blow of the big arguments that may occur. Keep up the good work!
Hi! I also found you through Lyndsay. She's supposed to be studying, but...
I actually know a lot of single guys who know way more about fashion/decorating/flatware than I do...and they're straight!
Women like that! :)
You're a hoot (I think that's a good thing)
Holy Crap, that was funny. :) Bt wait a second --- why is my husband still a neandrathal....? (don't expect good spelling at this time of night)
Very funny, yet so completely trus. My darling hubby never watched anything but sports until we married, now he knows all the women on Real Housewives (OC only!) and loves Tim on all his shows on Bravo.
(I secretly think he watches PR for Heidi - but that's okay)
Dizzblnd – Glad you let everyone know that! (And I’m glad you didn’t let them know that I’m probably the only post you’ve read today too)
Ficklechic – I’ll try! (I need to get working on that satisfaction not guaranteed clause for my post.)
Rachel Cotterill – Dude, the internet will consume you. Believe me, I know. Thanks for the comment!
Caitlin – Oh no … Um, don’t let your fiancé know it came from me! I don’t want to start a black list for me so early in my life. Thanks for the comment!
Randy – lol, you busted out “newbie” on me. Been a long time since I’ve heard that terminology. Thanks for the comment man, I’ll be sure to check out your blog.
AngieS – Thanks AngieS; good words, I know. I’m trying my best to live up the little things, cause’ I know how those big things (and little things!) can work their way into a relationship. Thanks for the advice!
Simplicity – Oh man, you know guys who are already knowledgeable about that stuff? Man, they’re starting way behind …
Julie -- Possibly my favorite comment to date. Lol, “hoot” is my new favorite word.
Momma Chae – Glad I could share a couple of laughs. As for your husband, well, there’s a special type of man out there that has some sort of innate resistance (my uncle being a prime example). So *ahem* Maybe he’ll come around? (Hah, perfect example as to why I’m not a psychiatrist.)
NJDecorator – “(I secretly think he watches PR for Heidi - but that's okay)” Lol, that’s awesome.
This post had me literally laughing out loud!
And yeap - my hubby'd agree with you too! :)
this was great. can't wait until you two have a couple of Schafner Jrs and see where your blogging goes.
Congratulations on your marriage :)
You're a very funny guy :) Came over from Sandra's blog. Gotta tell you that no matter how much I love your writing (and I do), having to struggle to read it (the font) is kinda tough on my old eyes! Any chance of making it bigger (or bolder maybe?)
HILARIOUS!
I'm glad Lyndsay sent us all over here...you're making me morning!
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