My Wife's Take on Marriage

My wife was recently asked to a coffee date with one of her bible study friends at church. The friend is engaged, fixin' to get married, and -- scared to death. So, she asked my wife to reveal life's secrets to her, in an attempt to better wrap her head around marriage.

As the incredibly thorough person my wife is (I'm so blessed), she typed up a little page on what life is like after unbridled freedom and one too many trips out with your friends (okay, that might be my little addition).

Without further ado, my wife's comments:

Wedding Planning:

The wedding planning is FULL of decisions, and planning, planning, planning. The moment the ceremony is over, STOP. Don’t plan, Don’t worry, Don’t bring up questions… the reception and honeymoon should be relaxing, worry-free, and spontaneous. If you can let yourself go then you and your Husband will have a Great Time.

Identity Crisis:

Becoming a wife is not like graduating high school and suddenly you’re college student. It takes time, work, and growth; much like our relationship with God. We are God’s child instantaneously, just how we become wife instantaneously at the wedding, but it takes a lifetime to learn both.

Honeymoon:

They’re not like the movies, but are special, incredibly intimate, and unique to the two of you. You’ll wind up thankful that they are not like the movies.

The Art of Becoming One:

The Art of Becoming One does not happen the moment you kiss, but happens over time.

Arguing:

The first six months will be as romantic as all get out as well as a trial. It will stretch the two of you while you learn to argue, learn to live together, learn how to be married. This is the part of becoming one.

Communication:

You think you know him, but just wait. You will think that you are saying “1+1=2” and he is going to argue with you that the answer is not 16, and why would you even say that, and then tell you “2-1=1.” It will both leave you tired from a word-whirlwind of misunderstanding, and completely stumped about how it started in the first place. This isn’t arguing, this is just daily confusion. Over time, you’ll learn how to communicate effectively by learning each other’s communication techniques. More importantly, and the more difficult, is that you will also learn to change and to adapt to better understand each other.

Love:

Marriage is so that two people can spoil each other.

Quirks:

This is the funny part about marriage that will make you laugh every day. Truth: Things that you do are going to pester him. I have no idea why it matters to him that my purse is unorganized, but it does. Him using my towel when he gets out of the shower instead of his is going to pester me. Just laugh. :)

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones, but Words Will Never Hurt Me: An Analysis

After four years of college, I've learned that placing a colon after a title and inserting the words "An Analysis" somehow makes the words that follow it valid on some way. I'm fixin' to (slang for all my Texans out there) come way out of left field, so I'll need all the help I can get.

I'm old enough that when I was a child, the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was still a commonly used phrase among children. Now that I look back, those words seem so much more to me now.

In a world of riddlin and political correctness, it now seems that tough skin, emotional restraint, and owning up to your mistakes are a thing of the past. In the years of my elementary education, when someone told me my mom was fat and poor, we laughed. In today's world, it causes irreparable psychological damage.

It's hard for me to watch the news for more than ten minutes anymore. I'm bombarded by sexual innuendoes and the degradation of the [insert anything here] within a one-minute segment. I watch as political "high-ups" profess social inequality while simulatenously tuning in to hear our African American (can't say "black") President speak.

I listen as a random street person propelled to reality-tv star status proclaims that they have abandonment issues because their parents got divorced at an early age. That's funny, because some of my best memories are when my step-dad was off in a different state working. Hell, if he would have "abandoned" me more often, I might have more good memories with my cousin whom I was raised with.

My point is this: I am 22-years old, and I have yet to meet a person who said "Yeah, my childhood was devoid of any misgivings, and I can't remember a time where I felt sad." I've had some issues growing up, but who hasn't?

For me, I begin to get drowsy ten minutes into a conversation about someone's successful business life. But hell, you mention the word "asshole" and I'm asking questions! The fact is, those "irreparable" moments are the times that made us who we are. God bless heart ache and pain! I'd be one hell of a boring person without them.

Bottom line: I wish there was something I could do about the almost infant-like sensitivity of the world today. How am I suppose to express a brilliant idea if I'm afraid the person next to me might be offended and take me to court?

I plan on raising my children with a backbone. I might even adopt my mother's adage when growing up: "If it ain't bleeding, then you ain't hurt." Hmmm, I can see Child Protective Services now ...

Life's Super Ironic Lessons

Before I delve into my cynical-charged excerpt on modern life, I want to bring you down with me. *Ahem* I mean, I wish to explain myself so that you will better understand my perception.

Lesson 1 on Life's Super Ironic Lessons: What you often learn to be true frequently turns out to be untrue later down the road (sometimes right down the road, like at the next intersection).

To illustrate my point, take our great country of America for example. I don't know about you, but when I was in grade school, a dude by the name of Christopher Columbus discovered America. As a child, I was very content that an adventurous Spaniard sailed over and claimed the land that I now proudly eat McDonald's at on a regular basis.

But ... things changed. Namely, I graduated to the 5th grade. As I grandly articulated that our sweet America came from a hippy rebelious sailor man, I was rudely interrupted by my new arch-nemesis, our 5th grade Social Studies (what they called "History" in the lower grades) teacher. Apparently that Christopher Columbus guy had nothing to do with discovering America. Some random-ass Vikings had alread laid claim to that area years before.

For me, it signified the end of my prepubescent innocence, and the beginning of my adolescents (AKA fun slowly seeping out of your life). It literally was like finding out that there was no Santa Claus. I mean what the hell lady? At least prep me before destroying my imagination.

In college, we now learn that not only didn't Christopher Columbus discover America, but he began the raping and pillaging of thousands of women and children. I guess that the poem

"In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. He landed in America, spread disease throughout the land, and caused the death's of thousands of Native-American Indians (who consequently really discovered America) so that your rich parents could buy you things that you don't need"

wouldn't be the best start-of-the-year lesson plan for a bunch of 4th graders.

Well, there was going to be more "Life's Super Ironic Lessons," but apparently I was more affected by the first lesson than I realized (damn it Columbus, we used to be friends!).

Give me your thoughts. Was there anything that you learned, only to find out that you've been living in a hut for the past five years? Please do tell.

How Do You Keep Your Passion?

When I think about how many baseballs I haven't hit, how many academic events I haven't participated in, or, more recently, how many blog posts I haven't written, I soon realize how many memories I don't have due to my inability to maintain a passion.

But wait, there's more. My problem goes further than that. Because I don't have an ability to maintain a passion doesn't mean that I don't have the ability to start a passion. Hence my catch 22: instead of just being lazy, I force my self into disappointment from all my unfinished projects.

So, I beg the question: how do you keep your passion?

After thinking for a good part of five minutes, I can only think of two things I have been able to maintain over the years ... eating, and sleeping. I did go through a stage in my adolescence that put even my ability to sleep consistently in jeopardy. However, I have prevailed thoroughly in that regard in recent years.

I now become nervous every time I develop a new interest, such as feeding my cat. Hopefully I can continue that desire to put food in his bowl every morning (but I will admit, him constantly knocking over our drinks at the dinner table isn't boding well for his future).

If any of you have advice, it'd be well received. Allow me to soak up your wisdom.

Thanks in advance.