Before I delve into my cynical-charged excerpt on modern life, I want to bring you down with me. *Ahem* I mean, I wish to explain myself so that you will better understand my perception.
Lesson 1 on Life's Super Ironic Lessons: What you often learn to be true frequently turns out to be untrue later down the road (sometimes right down the road, like at the next intersection).
To illustrate my point, take our great country of America for example. I don't know about you, but when I was in grade school, a dude by the name of Christopher Columbus discovered America. As a child, I was very content that an adventurous Spaniard sailed over and claimed the land that I now proudly eat McDonald's at on a regular basis.
But ... things changed. Namely, I graduated to the 5th grade. As I grandly articulated that our sweet America came from a hippy rebelious sailor man, I was rudely interrupted by my new arch-nemesis, our 5th grade Social Studies (what they called "History" in the lower grades) teacher. Apparently that Christopher Columbus guy had nothing to do with discovering America. Vikings had alread laid claim to that area years before.
For me, it signified the end of my prepubescent innocence, and the beginning of my adolescents (AKA fun slowly seeping out of your life). It literally was like finding out that there was no Santa Claus. I mean what the hell lady? At least prep me before destroying my imagination.
In college, we now learn that not only didn't Christopher Columbus discover America, but he began the raping and pillaging of thousands of women and children. I guess that the poem
"In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. He landed in America, spread disease throughout the land, and caused the death's of thousands of Native-American Indians (who consequently really discovered America) so that your rich parents could buy you things that you don't need"
wouldn't be the best start-of-the-year lesson plan for a bunch of 4th graders.
Well, there was going to be more "Life's Super Ironic Lessons," but apparently I was more affected by the first lesson than I realized (damn it Columbus, we used to be friends!).
Give me your thoughts. Was there anything that you learned, only to find out that you've been living in a hut for the past five years? Please do tell.
Almost no one will respond to the RSVP request on an invitation anymore. Makes it impossible to give the caterer a correct head count!
ReplyDeleteAmen, Comedy Goddess!
ReplyDeleteAs for myself, I always thought EVERYONE had trouble with the words effect and affect, until you, Josh, crushed my fragile ego by telling me that it's "easy' to understand the difference. And now, you say there's no Santa Claus too? Will the disillusionment never stop! :)
When I was a child I thought everyone loved and respected old people...then I became one. Pretty crushing wake-up call. Not only do they not respect us...we are invisible to them. Worse than no Santa Clause!
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