It's a beautiful day.
The sun's warmth permeates your skin, you feel good about using words like "permeates," and you almost feel like skipping.
Almost.
But at that moment you walk in through the door, lost in your own incomprehensibly giddy thoughts, it happens. You see them.
The peanut butter to your jelly, the butter to your toast: "The" Co-Worker. (I interrupt this broadcast to give you the word of the day: Sarcasm -- mocking, contemptuous, or ironic language intended to convey scorn or insult)
Ahh, you know the one I'm talking about. It's that one person that has the phenomenal ability of metamorphosis. It's the closest thing to a mythical creature you'll ever see in your life.
It's that person that can take any word, phrase, or term of endearment, and shift it, change it, riiiiiiiiip it apart and smash it back together into the words you know you "meant":
"Oh, so I look pretty today, huh? So I'm guessing I look like street trash, city compost, barn-yard MUCK every other day, huh!?"
Yes. That's exactly what I meant to say. How Did You Know!?!?
Not.
What is the prescription for this individual(s) (let's hope you only have one)?
By the way, you look great today! (Excuse my language.)
Prescription is avoid, avoid, avoid. When questioned about something, answer "I don't know. What do YOU think?" or "Could be, I'll have to think about that." or "Sorry...deadline...gotta rush!"
ReplyDeleteJosh: Thanks for stopping by The Chubby Chatterbox. I couldn't pass on the opportunity to see what you're up to on your blog and I really like what I see. You're an interesting writer, in spite of all the apostrophes! Ha! I'll be back for more...
ReplyDeleteKeep your head down and mumble incoherently when passing "the Co-worker"
ReplyDeleteCranky Old Man
Tabor -- I think your advice is sound, but ... but ... I can't stand that THEY get to make ME uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteBesides, I take some sort of sick pride in oooooooooooozing kindness on them just to hear what new what they're going to twist my words.
I know, I'm bad.
Stephen -- I appreciat' th' compliments: I'll hav' ta' work on those apostrophe's!
joeh -- I already mumble incoherently. What's next?
haha...nice...yes, i know them well...sarcasm can be rather fun...
ReplyDeleteah i never read or wrote poetry up until 2 years ago...about half my stuff is poetry now...it is def an acquired taste...smiles
Hi Josh, thanks for stopping by my blog! I laughed at your post because it's so true. I work in an operating room with mostly women. We are the weirdest group of people you'll ever meet. All OR personnel are the same no matter which hospital you happen to be in. We're also smart, hard working and, believe me, funny...But boy don't cross the "certain" few..actually in our little place it's only one..well, OK, two. Just today we sat around griping..I mean talking, about the biggest problem we have. Communication. Hope you have a great week and I have to stop by here and see some more funny posts!
ReplyDeleteBrian -- Thanks for stopping by. You have some serious skill. I feel bad that I'm too dense to understand it.
ReplyDeleteyaya -- I bet that would be an EXTREMELY interesting work environment to be in.
Glad I could make you laugh ... makes the day go by faster!
The problem you are describing becomes pretty recursive in the end. Such people eventually suck the soul out of everyone they come into contact. The only way to 'win' such an encounter, is, as they said in the film "War Games," not to play.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I was *almost* that person just the other day. A co-worker said to me: "Oh, you're dressed very nice today!" I was wearing a 3-piece suit for an important client meeting and I thought: "What? Do I dress like street trash every other day?'
ReplyDeleteBut at least I didn't say that out loud, and instead thanked the person for the compliment. See, I made the decision not to assume someone was being snide or spiteful.
I wish more people in the the world gave the benefit of doubt before reacting.
Nice place you got here, Josh. And, hey: thanks again for stopping by the blog! :)
Methinks you enjoy messing with them so try it back at them for a while.. give similar responses to anything pleasant they might have to say about you. Enjoy the confused look as they try to figure out what just happened here. If/when they eventually call you on it, hold up the mirror.
ReplyDeleteLaoch -- I try not to play, but they don't listen!
ReplyDeleteDavid -- I think the Big Secret is we're ALL that person. It just depends on what day it is.
Hilary -- Being confusing is my forte. I think I might try your strategy :)
Been there, done that -- on both sides of it. Hubby says, "When you talk as much as you do, the law of averages says you WILL put your foot in your mouth once in a while." Unfortunately, it's true.
ReplyDeleteTry assuming the offender has the best of intentions. Even if it isn't true, it will be less stressful for you.
Sandra -- I think you've summed up my sentiments exactly.
ReplyDeleteI've actually done a lot of reading on this subject in the past two years, so assuming the best from everything is something I've been working on for a while.